Open a Case — Department of Animal Employment

BEFORE YOU BEGIN
Most filings take about five minutes. One to four ordinary phone photographs are welcome. Professional photography is unnecessary. Most completed records are released within 2–3 business days.

A. Employee Identification

1. Employee's name *

2. Known aliases / nicknames

3. Type of animal *

4. Breed or species, if known

5. Age or approximate age

6. When did they join the household?

B. Employment Investigation

Starred testimony is required so the Records Office has enough evidence to prepare a genuinely personalized file. Please provide at least a short sentence for each.

7. What does this animal appear to believe their job is? *

Don't invent a title. Tell us what they actually do; the Bureau will handle classification.

8. What are they exceptionally good at?

9. What do they spend an unreasonable amount of time doing?

10. What do they monitor, guard, inspect, supervise, rearrange, destroy, collect, hide, chase, climb, dig, stare at, web, or otherwise concern themselves with?

C. Character & Conduct

11. How would you describe their personality? *

12. What do they absolutely love? *

13. What do they dislike, fear, avoid, or strongly object to?

14. What regularly gets them into trouble?

15. What do they do that makes you laugh? *

16. Strange habits, rituals, routines, expressions, sounds, or behaviors?

17. What happens when food arrives?

This question was added following the Kronk investigation.

18. Preferred food, reward, or compensation

D. Workplace Relations

19. Relationship with authority

20. How do they interact with other animals or household members?

21. Is there one person or animal they are especially attached to?

22. How do they behave with visitors or strangers?

E. Matters Not Adequately Covered by Forms

23. What makes this animal unmistakably them? *

24. Tell the Bureau something important, funny, sweet, peculiar, or ridiculous that we didn't know enough to ask.

F. Photographic Evidence

UPLOAD 1–4 ORDINARY PHOTOGRAPHS *

Your camera roll will do. Identity-critical records use the real photograph supplied by you. Each photo may be up to 15 MB.

G. Public Employee Registry — Optional

The Bureau occasionally celebrates documented employees through the Public Employee Registry, New Appointments, Employee of the Week, Service Anniversaries, and Swinford Commendations.

No — keep this personnel matter private. Yes — my employee may be publicly recognized using an approved photograph, first name, Bureau job title, and approved public details.

Purchaser contact information, private questionnaire responses, payment information, and other private case material are never included merely because Registry permission was granted. Permission may be withdrawn later.

H. Filing Contact & Permissions

Your name *

Email for case confirmation *

I authorize use of this private filing and its photographs to create and deliver the purchased personnel file. * Optional: I authorize separate promotional use of an approved photograph and approved public details. Optional: Send me Bureau news and future filing notices.

Purchasing never grants public, promotional, or newsletter permission. Registry permission defaults to No and may be withdrawn.

SWINFORD REVIEW: NOT REQUIRED AT THIS STAGE

Open a Personnel Investigation.

A. Employee Identification

B. Employment Investigation

C. Character & Conduct

D. Workplace Relations

E. Matters Not Adequately Covered by Forms

F. Photographic Evidence

G. Public Employee Registry — Optional

H. Filing Contact & Permissions