PUBLIC ASSISTANCE DESK · FORM AE-001

Every animal has a job.
We document it.

Tell us who they are and what they believe they are responsible for. The Bureau will investigate, classify, and prepare their Official Animal Personnel File.

$19.99 digital personnel file About 5–8 minutes to file 2–3 business days after filing and payment

Desk 1 of 7Employee Identification

14%

First, who has reported for duty?

Only the employee’s name and animal type are required here. Approximate answers are perfectly acceptable.

Employee’s name * Known aliases or nicknames Type of animal * Breed or species, if known Age or approximate age When did they join the household?

What do they believe their job is?

Do not worry about inventing an official title. Tell us what they actually do; classification is our problem.

What does this animal appear to believe their job is? What are they exceptionally good at? What receives an unreasonable amount of their time? What do they monitor, guard, inspect, rearrange, destroy, collect, chase, climb, dig, stare at, web, or otherwise concern themselves with?

Please describe the employee’s general conduct.

Tender, ridiculous, suspicious, dignified—Personnel has seen a wide range of management styles.

How would you describe their personality? What do they absolutely love? What do they dislike, fear, avoid, or strongly object to? What regularly gets them into trouble? What do they do that makes you laugh?

Additional testimony is requested. Strange habits, rituals, routines, expressions, sounds, or behaviors? What happens when food arrives?This question was added following the Kronk investigation. Preferred food, reward, or compensation

Relationship with authority Cooperative Selectively cooperative Openly defiant Believes they are management Appears unaware management exists

How do they interact with other animals or household members? Is there one person or animal they are especially attached to? How do they behave with visitors or strangers?

What makes them unmistakably them?

This is often where the real personnel record begins.

What makes this animal unmistakably them? Tell us something important, funny, sweet, peculiar, or ridiculous that we did not know enough to ask.

Choose one to four ordinary photographs.

Your camera roll is exactly right. Clear, real photographs help us preserve the employee’s actual face, markings, and magnificent administrative posture.

✓ Face reasonably visible✓ Favorite expression welcome✓ Professional photos unnecessary

Select photographs JPG, PNG, WEBP, HEIC or HEIF · up to 15 MB each

🔒 Photographs remain private case evidence unless you separately grant a specific public permission below.

Last desk: where should we send the file?

Your name * Email for confirmation and delivery *

Public and promotional permissions may be withdrawn later. Purchasing a file does not change a No into a Yes.

FORM AE-001 · Filing creates an intake receipt first. Payment is the next, separate step.

Every animal has a job.We document it.

Required to make your file

Public Employee Registry Optional · defaults to No

Two more separate choices Optional

Personnel is processing the filing.

Every animal has a job.
We document it.